To The One Who Loves Me and my OCD

You were there for me before we even knew what was wrong.

When I woke up crying with songs stuck in my head, wondering why a song, just a song, not even a sad one,

Could have me picturing you dead over things that happened before I even knew who you were.

You loved me, now and even when I was first diagnosed. When I knew these thoughts would change and worsen and complicate and become more debilitating.

And you're probably the only man that wouldn't laugh in my face when I told you my mental illness make me think that I caused terrorist attacks and seizures, that it makes me cause awful things to happen, things I couldn't even do if I wanted to.

You're still here, when my worries and rituals have changed, though everything I've ever been obsessed about, all this time and not once have you ever called me stupid for it, which not even therapists have done. This comes as one of the hundreds of reasons why you're the best person I've ever met, you're good enough to understand that I don't choose intrusive thoughts, because they're intrusive.

You were there with me when I got taken out of treatment, and when I gave up on medication. You were there through ERP, something I wouldn't have even been able to do without you.

And I know I'd get rid of my problems in half a heartbeat if I could, but there's nobody else I'd rather face it all with than you.

You've put up with me through everything. When I've gone from telling you I was the happiest girl alive to pulling my hair and crying because of just another stupid thought. When I was staring at the wall without being able to blink or talk. When I'm blinking eight times twice, or eight times eight times over if it's two or three numbers in order.

Through everything, I couldn't do it without you, I wouldn't even want to try. I owe you the world for even dealing with the rituals, and you have my love forever even just for your understanding. You mean the world to me for making my world with this illness easier.

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